Influence Skills: Focus on the Why

Contributed By,
By Nelson Soken, Ph.D.

I’ve facilitated workshops both as an internal and external consultant for many years. After reading Simon Sinek’s book, Start With the Why, I’ve been considering how I can use the techniques and content that I teach and apply it to myself. As a trainer, I needed to ask myself: “Am I focusing too much on the what and the how of delivering training while forgetting the more important question of why I do what I do (e.g. why I recommend particular behaviors to participants)?”

In thinking about the why, I’ve been inspired to step back and reflect on my own intentions and motivations as a facilitator and trainer. Is my ultimate goal to get those great “five out of a possible five” course evaluations that provide validation of my presentation style and knowledge? After all, our job is to deliver outcomes that truly transform people and “move the needle” in their organizations. Training is about results—which are not easily measured. But understanding why something works may be the key to accomplishing those real results. So how much do I and others who train and facilitate really give thought to the why of what we teach?

When it comes to influence skills, influencing others requires each of us to admit that we are ego-driven. As human beings, we are generally “I” focused—what I think, what I feel, and what I have experienced makes up most of our internal map of the world. We are all subject to many unconscious biases and in many instances, we’re not very effective at taking the perspective of others. In being bound by our own thoughts, feelings, and experiences, influencing others requires us to create an interpersonal connection, develop empathy, and build a level of trust. Influence, first and foremost, happens in the mind of the other person. In fact, recent research has shown that influence happens in the limbic brain—where emotions respond to external situations and cause us to make decisions before we have processed information with our rational neocortex. If we begin with this recognition, how might we interpret some of the approaches we have recommended over and over again? What is the why for each of them? Here are three examples from the Exercising Influence workshop:

1.    Give the Other a Vested interest in Action by Negotiating: One of the behaviors for this tactic is to offer incentives, something the other wants or needs and that you have control over. Why is this important? Because it reduces the impact of “loss aversion bias” by providing a fair exchange. Loss aversion bias is the tendency for people to over-value what they already have (the status quo) over what they could have if they changed. It is not exactly a rational response, but it is a reality.

2.    Create Enthusiasm and Alignment by Enlisting Others through Encouragement and Envisioning Great Results: Why is this important? Because it provides the emotional charge of team spirit and creates a “bandwagon effect,” whereby individuals are more likely to adopt a position that others they trust and admire are adopting and supporting.

3.    Learn about, Reinforce, or Expand Other’s Thinking by Listening, Checking for Understanding; Going Deeper to “Read Between the Lines” and Test the Implications of What the Other Person Really Means: Why is this important? The confirmation bias, where people selectively process information that fits their point of view is powerful and universal. In fact, people have a frequent tendency to dismiss and/or distort information that contradicts their current beliefs. The Checking for Understanding behavior reduces the impact of the confirmation bias and influences the other person positively by verifying they have been heard. Seeing things from another person’s perspective allows the influencer to develop beneficial collaborative strategies.

For those of us who are trainers and facilitators, let us make an effort to go beyond the how and really spend time focusing on the why. I’m convinced that in so doing, we will become better consultants, facilitators, trainers, coaches, and leaders with the capacity to deliver significant value for our organizations and clients—value that goes beyond the event and creates lasting change.

For more information on Exercising Influence, join the virtual Influence Celebration happening this November!