The Fire This Time: A Remembrance and Reminder
B. Kim Barnes, updated on May 28, 2020
In 1991, my house burned, along with 3000 others, in a huge firestorm that struck the hills of Oakland and Berkeley in the San Francisco Bay Area. It was unexpected – though, in hindsight, it could have been anticipated. It was an event over which I had no control. It changed everything about my life and those of my neighbors. Being a writer and an educator, of course I felt driven to draw lessons from the way all of us responded to this event – to begin to understand how to deal productively with sudden, imposed change. I wrote an article with some ideas about how we were able to get through the difficult days and months that followed the firestorm and published it as part of a manual on change leadership.
Ten years later, after the awful events of 9/11, I revisited and revised the article in response to a client’s request for something to offer the people in her company who were so deeply shaken, as we all were, by the experience of watching and living through the terror attacks.
Today, we are all dealing with the shock of a pandemic. I reread the article and I believe the lessons I learned during that long-ago event are still relevant.
So today, I thought I would once again share those lessons. Here they are, slightly revised.
Let go of any illusions of control or “magical thinking.” I believe that consciously letting go shortened the “neutral zone” time for me. Friends who did not do this later reported that they stayed in a suspended state for many days and delayed taking practical actions to recreate their lives. Visualization of a positive future; one which you can help bring about, is productive; imagining that you can control the forces of nature, of the economy, of human nature or global politics, of a rampaging virus, is not. Letting go is a conscious choice of “mental action.” I found it helpful to use a mental image of letting go, such as opening my hand. Until you are able to do this, you will remain fixed in the past.
Take time to grieve, but not more than you need. Two days later, after the fire was out, we were allowed to walk in to see what was left. Although we really knew what we would find, it was a shock to see our neighborhood looking as if it had been bombed out, in a war zone. Our home was gone; in its place a strangely beautiful ruin. We cried and hugged. Then we got out the shovels we had brought and began to dig for remnants of our lives. There was more grieving to do, of course, but it happened from time to time as a natural part of the work of remembrance, healing, and rebuilding and never after that day was the central focus of our lives.
Celebrate the best of what was lost; bring it symbolically with you toward the future. The first thing I found intact was a plate my grandmother had painted in the 1920s. The glaze a little rearranged but otherwise perfect, it seemed a loving message from the past. Later we found our favorite breakfast mugs, re-cast as multimedia pieces. That night the sunset was especially glorious, almost echoing the fire of two days earlier. The full moon shone at the same time through what had once been our bedroom window. We brought fruit and flowers (for life) and candles (for hope) and had a small, quiet ceremony in which we appreciated all that the house had meant to us, then let it go and made a promise to ourselves to keep that which was best in our hearts until we could build it again.
The article continues on the Barnes & Conti Blog
Online Programs Update: World Class Teams & Conflict Prevention
We're happy to announce that our highly regarded program for building and maintaining motivated, high performing, and remote teams will be available for online delivery later this month. Leading World Class Teams is especially relevant to our times with so many of us working remotely now.
Conflict: From Prevention to Resolution, helps individuals and groups deal with conflict proactively and constructively, while providing tools for creative resolution. The web-based version of this popular workshop is coming soon as well.
Let us know if these or any of our other offerings can help you meet your personal and organizational needs. Feel free to reach out to Lauren Powers, lpowers@barnesconti.com to discuss.
From the Barnes & Conti Virtual Food Truck: Sheet Pan Chicken
Kim Barnes, Barnes & Conti CEO
Ingredients:
- 1 1/2 pounds chicken thighs and drumsticks
- 1 1/4 pounds small Yukon Gold potatoes, halved and cut into 1/2-inch slices
- 2 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt, more as needed
- 4 1/2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil, more as needed
- 2 leeks, white and light green parts only, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced
- 1/2 tsp lemon zest (from 1/2 lemon)
- 1/3 cup plain yogurt (do not use Greek yogurt)
- 1 small garlic clove
- 2 ounces baby arugula
- Chopped fresh dill, as needed
- Lemon juice, as needed
Method:
- Combine chicken and potatoes in a large bowl. Season with salt and pepper. In a small bowl, pour 3 T. oil over chicken and potatoes and toss. Let stand at room temperature for 30 minutes, or up to 8 hours in the refrigerator.
- Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, combine leeks, lemon zest, a pinch of salt and the remaining 1 1/2 tablespoons oil.
- Heat oven to 425 degrees. Arrange chicken and potatoes on a large rimmed baking sheet in a single layer. Roast 15 minutes. Toss potatoes lightly. Scatter leeks over pan. Roast until chicken and potatoes are cooked through and everything is golden and slightly crisped, 25 to 30 minutes longer.
- While chicken cooks, place yogurt in a small bowl. Grate garlic over yogurt and season to taste with salt and pepper.
- To serve, spoon yogurt over chicken and vegetables in the pan. Scatter arugula and dill over mixture. Drizzle with oil and lemon juice and serve.
Serves 4
This recipe is available on our website as part of the Virtual Food Truck.
Please send us some of your favorite recipes you’ve made during these last few weeks. We will add them to our Virtual Food Truck for all to enjoy.
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