The Rationale of Irrational Decisions: Considering Emotional Needs
By B. Kim Barnes, Barnes & Conti CEO
Life would be so much easier for leaders, managers, parents, friends, politicians, if only human beings behaved in predictable ways based on facts, logic, rational thought processes, or even fulfillment of practical needs. Sadly, for those of us who are required or inclined to influence others to act in ways that are good for them, for the team, for the organization, the community, the nation, or the world, it’s just not so simple. Whether you’re trying to get your children to brush their teeth, your spouse or partner to exercise, your team members to collaborate, your company to focus on greater diversity, or your peers to vote in what you consider their best interests, you are bound to be disappointed if you focus only on their intellect or even on vested interests — what you believe they have to gain or to lose.
We continue to learn that people are often moved toward seemingly irrational decisions by values they hold dear and, perhaps even more strongly, by the pull of emotional needs. As influencers, we can’t afford to ignore them and can benefit by considering how to align with them. Something that doesn't make rational sense to us may meet a deep need or fulfill an important desire for someone else.
The strong emotional needs that we humans experience are just as powerful — or even more so — as any objective proof or brilliant case that another person or institution might make. Ancient philosophers, psychologists such as Abraham Maslow and, more recently, behavioral economists like Dan Ariely and Daniel Kahneman have identified needs such as:
- Belonging: Being part of and associated with a specific group, tribe, or community
- Control/power: Having autonomy over one’s life, being free to make important choices
- Confirmation: Having one’s beliefs and opinions supported and verified
- Respect: Experiencing the acceptance and esteem of important others
- Well-being/safety: Feeling protected, secure and confident about one’s life and that of loved ones
- Meaning: Being able to make a positive contribution to one’s profession or community through one’s work or life
- Affection: Being loved and cared for by others.
We all experience these needs, though we may not fulfill them in the same way as those we wish to influence. One of the most important skills an influencer can develop is the ability to identify with and imagine how things could appear from the point of view of the other person or group. In preparing for an important influence opportunity, consider the following questions:
- If I were that other person, what would I have to gain or lose from the outcome of this choice or decision in a practical way? What’s in it for me or for something or someone I care about and identify with?
- If I were that other person, what values or beliefs of mine are relevant to this choice or decision? How might the desired outcome either support or challenge them?
- If I were that other person, how might I feel about being part of making the choice I’m being asked to make? Would that fulfill an emotional need I have or threaten it?
- And finally, if I were that person, what sources of facts and objective data would I trust and mistrust? What would help me to believe in the reality of the case being made?
By taking the answers to these questions into account, we may find an approach that fits on the other’s mental map. I’m not suggesting that we be untruthful or avoid asking others to make difficult decisions. I do believe that if we take the time to consider in a nonjudgmental and respectful way the complexities of the human mind and heart we will find new ways to connect and to help others — and ourselves — move toward healthy, wise, and responsible choices.
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Exercising Influence Online: Public Program in Two Versions
On August 12, we're offering our popular Exercising Influence program as a 2.5 hour introductory webinar. Exercising Influence has been positively critiqued as “...an engaging, practical, and evidence-based program that increases your capacity to affect the actions of others.”
We're offering this webinar either by itself, or to be followed up by two 1-1 influence coaching sessions of one hour each, to be scheduled at your convenience. Here's the info:
Exercising Influence: An Introduction
August 12, 2020
10:00 am – 12:30 pm, PDT
Online Webinar: $435
Online Webinar with Coaching: $1175
Register for the Webinar with Coaching
Register for the Webinar Only
Online Programs Update
We want to remind you that some of our programs are available as online learning now, some are just about ready for delivery, and we are working on several others.
Here's the current status:
Available Now:
- Exercising Influence
- Strategic Thinking
- Inspirational Leadership
- Leading World Class Teams
- Intelligent Risk-Taking
- Conflict: From Prevention to Resolution
In Development — Ready Soon!
Watch our email updates for for more information about all of these workshops. And please let us know if these or any of our other offerings can help you meet your personal and organizational needs. Feel free to reach out to Lauren Powers, lpowers@barnesconti.com to discuss.
Pasta with Cherry Tomatoes and Goat Cheese
Joel Kleinbaum, Internet Consultant
This summery pasta is quick, easy, and will help you use up all those delicious cherry tomatoes in your summer garden. The sauce only "cooks" in stored heat from the pasta. We suggest using a sturdy pasta such as penne, fusilli, or rotini.
Ingredients:
- Pasta (allow about 3 oz per person, more for a main dish, and less for a first course)
- 4-5 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
- 2-4 cloves garlic, minced fine
- 6 oz. of your favorite goat cheese, crumbled
- 1 pint cherry tomatoes, cut in half (small ones) or quarters (large ones)
- 1 fistful or so of basil leaves, roughly chopped
Method:
- Cook the pasta in boiling, salted water until it is al dente.
- While the pasta is cooking, all the other ingredients in your pasta mixing/serving bowl.
- When the pasta is done, drain well, and quickly add the the "sauce", tossing well to melt the goat cheese and coat the pasta.
Serves 4
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